Everyday, you think: 

“Bitcoin is messing with my mental health”, “Bitcoin is draining my pocket”,

But have you ever wondered how Bitcoin is feeling, how Bitcoin is doing? 👀

Breet dey for you, but Breet dey for Bitcoin too o — that’s why we followed BTC around all day, morning till night, to see what a typical day in his life looks like. Enjoy! 🕺🏽

(As narrated by Bitcoin)

2am WAT: You know how African mothers are? You can just be sleeping & you open your eyes small and there she is, praying over your head or watching you sleep? That’s how these traders are o. I cannot even drink water and drop cup again. If I shift small, they start insulting me. Every 10 seconds, they come to look at me. Ah-ahn, relax! 

7am WAT: I’ve had small malaria so I’ve been losing weight (and value) for most of the week, but my fans (aka Bitcoin holders) are optimistic that I’d rise like Agege bread soon, so I’m starting my day with Malt & Milk; that will give me small energy to perform. I no dey like fall hand. 

10am WAT: Small yansh don dey shake o. You see these my compound people? These small Altcoins? They don dey get mind o. That my neighbour Dogecoin wey dey downstairs? I heard him telling Solana that my decline has come. Imagine o, because of small malaria?? Rubbish! 

1pm WAT: I don dey feel better. My value has started to rise like the hot sun rising in Lagos; wahala for who don give up on me o! I can tell that my fans are currently pumping money into me, and everybody’s happy. Make I just catch any Altcoin rubbishing my name. 

3pm WAT: My baby brother BTC Cash came around this afternoon, and as we were having lunch, he asked me one nonsense question. “Do you feel threatened by Ethereum?”, from where to where? That Gen Z that some people swore would sink me after their Merge upgrade? Lool abeg. I full ground. 

7pm WAT: I’m taking my evening stroll & I just dey think. Even though my value has been shaky all day, I know that I’m loved. I was reading the news, and saw how many big brands are vouching for me! Accepting payments from their customers through me, investing in my market, extending services to their clients through me. Wahala for who no get first-mover advantage! 

11pm WAT: “When will you hit 20k? Won’t you climb back up to 20k?” These people think it’s easy sha. I’m an old man please. Shey when I was hitting 40k+, nobody was asking me questions. Everybody should calm down o. Hodl me and close your trading app. Thank you. Let Saturday sha come fast, at least most of these people will go and do “we outside” and let me rest. 

 

The End. 

 

Writer | Creative | A little obsessed with spinning stories.